sh*t people say

lately, the coffee shops have been witnessing a lot of verbal diarrhea. in the world of translation -- as any good translator or translation scholar will tell you -- context is everything: unless you're specifically setting out to be perverse, no word or chapter or idea can be "properly" translated out of context. in the recent world of cafés, however, context has been doing little to offer insight into the aforementioned feces (which, incidentally -- as any good grad student will tell you -- rhymes with theses). so, we'll just let the perverse stench speak for itself.

conversational bathroom I: ottawa. starbucks. 
two girls in their early twenties, doctoring their drinks.
Girl 1, proudly: i saved up enough money for rent this month.
Girl 2: i'm so jealous -- i haven't worked all summer! *proceeds to slurp giant-sized latte*

CB II: toronto. second cup. 
platonic guy-girl couple in their early twenties, catching up, very very loudly.
Guy, laughingly referring to a girl he used to date: her vagina's all stretched out!

CB III: ottawa. starbucks. 

a gaggle of guys and girls in their mid-twenties.
Guy 1, joining the rest of the group: you know what i shoulda done? i was in the bathroom, and i shoulda just taken my sh*t and smooshed it aaaaall over the wall.

merde! [translation: "sh*t!" or "good luck!"...y'know, depending on the context.]

and now back to translating...